Beware of the Grown-Boy

Just to be clear I'm no relationship expert but I was inspired to write this post based off  several conversations I've had with various young women. They have encountered the "Grown Boy" and after the experience are left angry, confused and analyzing themselves.

By Definition: A Grown-Boy is a man who appears physically to be grown. Whose age is of a adult but his actions are of a boy.  

What's unfortunate after dealing with a grown-boy a lot of times we think something is wrong with us and I'm here to tell you IT'S NOT! It's them! So be happy this happened and take this opportunity to learn from it. 

Here are a few things to think about going forward....

A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.

A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.

A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly about physical attributes.

A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family or another purpose or passion.  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.

A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.

A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get bruised. 

A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.

Simply put: A boy plays games. A man doesn’t. 

My Advice: Don't beat yourself up about what happened. Take time to evaluate the situation and your feelings. Everything is a learning experience -- once you know better you will do better. Be selective with who you spend your time with and who you let in your life.

PROTECT YOUR MAGIC

Photo Credits: Sara Stathas and Trent Shelton

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34 Things I'm Letting Go Of Before My 34th Birthday

The other day I was ranting to my mom about how much my life has changed in my 30's -- my body is acting weird, I found some gray hairs, this is NOT how expected my life to be.... blah blah surprisingly she let me go on without any interruptions. Upon my completion she calmly responded "you need to chuck it up and realize you are a grown ass woman." *Well Damn* she was right! 33 has taught me so much unfortunately I fell into a slump, I was disappointed in myself for the latter part of the year because after a good run at entrepreneurship I had to return to Corporate America in 2015 because I needed more stability for my family and I. I got over the fact that I spent most of my 30's dating a grown boy and stop beating myself up over that failed relationship. Most importantly I grew more spiritually and gained a better understanding of WHO Arkeedah was.

Now with 17 days until my 34 Birthday I'm sharing somethings I've already started to let go of to become a better person for myself, friends and family. 

1. I Let go of the need to always feel comfortable. – get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  All growth begins at the end of your comfort zone. 
2. The fantasy of perfection. – If you want to get really good at something, let go of the notion of perfection and replace it with the notion of endless playful exploration.
3. Thinking there is a perfect time. – You can’t keep waiting for the perfect moment – it doesn’t exist. You must dare to do it today because life is too short to wonder what could have been.
4.  Removing anything that doesn't make my soul smile and grow.
5. Feeling like I'm not making progress fast enough.  
6. Past Mistakes
7. Excessive worrying. – Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential.  Stop over-thinking everything.  Life is too short.
8. Ungrateful thoughts. – Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have. 
9. One-sided relationships. – If someone truly cares about you, they won’t make you feel like you need to constantly fight for their attention.
10. People who have never been here for me. – It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you.
11. Negative influences. – You can’t expect to feel good if you surround yourself with negativity.  Be with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.
12. Petty arguments. – You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you.  All you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around.
13. Putting everyone else's needs in front of my own.
14.  Letting go of yesterday. – Don’t let yesterday steal your present.
15. Thinking that giving up means failure. – Giving up and moving on are two very different things.
16. Life’s little annoyances. – Don’t let dumb little things break your happiness.
17. Not carrying other people's burdens 
18. Stress
19. The notion that life is fair. – If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself.  
20.  Ok so real talk, I really wanted this list to be 34 things but once I got to writing I didn't have that many and to be honest the title sounds better with 34 rather than 19 :)

Welp, well it's time for me to find my Tiara and get ready for my big day! Until next time folks

Random Birthday Picture

post inspiration: www.marcandangel.com

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True Life: I'm an Introvert

Yes, I know this may be hard to believe but I am an Introvert over the years I have mastered the art of thriving in an extrovert society I have been blogging for 6 years now and before that I was in Corporate America and pursuing my modeling career. I'm an only child so growing people thought I was shy or antisocial (I always talked my family and close friends to death) but out in public I was much more quiet and reserved lol.

Basically the post below sums it up!

So I had to implement some daily/weekly practices to keep myself sane and still be able to do what I enjoy. 

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

–Aristotle

1. Being a blogger is very demanding there are so many events to go to and things to do. So now I pick the most important events the ones that has value to my brand and my beliefs and I attend those so I don't pull myself in so many directions.
2. Thanks to automation tools I can schedule my Facebook posts and tweets which allow me to take breaks from social media. This allows me a chance to really disconnect and get relief from the chatter. I do this several times a week!
3.  During my quiet time I do things I truly enjoy -- getting a facial, walking around the neighborhood, getting a Cami Cake cupcake etc. Its always the simple things 
4. and lastly I ensure the people around me has good energy, people who are motivators and who looks at life with a positive perspective

 

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Create Your Daily Personal Growth Schedule

This morning I received an email from Brian Tracy on how to create a daily personal growth schedule. I started today and I thought I would share this with you!

There are 7 disciplines you must develop if you want to achieve all that is possible for you. You can learn these disciplines through practice and repetition until they become automatic.

Goal Setting

Every morning, take 3 to 5 minutes to write out your top goals in the present tense. Get a spiral notebook for this purpose. By writing out your ten goals at the beginning of each day, you will program them deep into your subconscious mind.

This daily goal writing will activate your mental powers. It will stimulate your mind and make you more alert. Throughout the day, you will see opportunities and possibilities to move more rapidly toward your goals.

Planning and Organizing

Take a few minutes, preferably the night before, to plan out every activity of the coming day. Always work from a list. Always think on paper. This is one of the most powerful and important disciplines of all for high performance.

Concentration on your Highest-Value Activities

Your ability to work single-mindedly on your most important task will contribute as much to your success as any other discipline you can develop.

Exercise and Proper Nutrition

Your health is more important than anything else. By disciplining yourself to exercise regularly and to eat carefully, you will promote the highest possible levels of health and fitness throughout your life.

Learning and Growth

Your mind is like a muscle. If you don't use it, you lose it. Continuous learning is the minimum requirement for success in any field.

Time for Important People in Your Life

Relationships are everything. Be sure that in climbing the ladder of success, you do not find it leaning against the wrong building. Build time for your relationships into every day, no matter how busy you get.

Commit to the 7 Disciplines

These seven disciplines will ensure that you perform at the highest level and get the greatest satisfaction and results from everything you do. Study these seven disciplines and then make a plan for how you can incorporate each of them into your daily life.

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